Hang on. Captain Sandypower travel has reached an all time high and maritime law is changing the future for Hannah on this episode of Under the Mediterranean bridge.

Hannah looks like a deer in the headlights when Captain “I want to see you fail” Sandy asks her to sit in his office. Hearing that she had drugs on board, Hannah looks stunned, then immediately pissed off. Captain Sandy tells Hannah, “This is very serious. I have to take disciplinary action.

Hannah is clearly in shock. She should have let the captain know she had her order on board, but come on. Hannah is anxious and the Captain has known it FOR YEARS OF WORKING TOGETHER. Okay, so maybe Hannah lied and said she hasn’t taken Valium since she was on board, BUT STILL. This is a direct ambush. Captain Sandy seems to enjoy watching Hannah squirm and sends Hannah, the drug dealer, to her cabin to retrieve the goods.

About a minute after Hannah leaves for her meds and gear, the captain has a moment of panic: “Should I be in the cabin with her?” Do you think she rinses everything? Captain Sandy bursts into Hannah’s cabin and opens the bathroom door, behind which Hannah is. I have to admit it’s definitely a weird time for Hannah to be in the bathroom WITH her drugs, but alas, you gotta go when you gotta go, okay?

Please note that this all happens THREE HOURS before the charter. Does anyone else want to hit Maliathe boyfriend of To M, aka the new boss, in the nose? I mean, he’s all smiles and excited about his first charter as all of this Hannah drama unfolds. You KNOW he KNOWS what’s going on… he’s sleeping with the enemy, for shouting out loud!

The captain claims she has “the greatest compassion” for Hannah, but she fires Hannah because Hannah is just too risky and a handicap. Hannah has too much to do, according to Captain Sandy, and really, there’s no more room for Hannah to go for the ass kiss that Bugsy and Malia do so well.

Hannah yawns as Captain Sandy fires her (the best FU ever) and she walks past Tom, who pretends to greet her happily. He’s 100% in league with the Malia / Sandy / Bugsy team. Captain Sandy maintains his decision in accordance with maritime law and defends his choice to fire Hannah.

Hannah surprisingly behaves rather with maturity. She asks for her luggage and jumps off the ship to call her boyfriend. When Captain Sandy sees Hannah leaving the yacht, she does what Captain Sandy does best: she searches for the cameras and comes back to face Hannah. WHAT FOR? Like, leave her alone. The captain knows Hannah is anxious and continues to pretend she cares about Hannah. He. Is. Ridiculous. Limit offensive! What a jug. If she cared, she would have found a better way to sort out this incident with Hannah. Captain Sandy blows up on Hannah and says, “Now officially I don’t care”, and she gets really tough on Hannah. Notice how this change of mind occurs as the captain gets back on the boat. Perfectly timed to show authority, if you ask me.

Well done, Malia. Hope you are feeling good about yourself. During Malia’s secret conversation with the captain after Hannah’s dismissal, Malia states that Hannah “can’t take stuff.” She nods in agreement with EVERYTHING Captain Sandy says. Malia is such a brown nose and is Captain Sandy’s right hand man. It is painful to watch.

Half the crew is shooting Hannah and the rest of them have no idea what’s going on. Jessica is shocked when Hannah tells her the deal. Hannah explains that the yachting is a dog-eating dog gig and that she suspects Malia went in her bag to take the photo of the evidence. Good. I’m glad she got the hunch that Malia was the snake.

Malia deserves an award for her two-faced demeanor this season. As Hannah randomly arranges her things, Malia finds herself in the middle of the drama. What’s up? I’m surprised Hannah didn’t bridge Malia, especially when Malia asks if the drugs were on the boat. Look, drugs are drugs, but there’s a right way to go about it and Malia has certainly taken the low road.

Hannah admits she should have brought it all back, and although she looked pretty during this charter season, she “would have preferred to end up beautiful.” Not literally. “God, I love her. Even keeping her sarcastic humor through the darkest days of her life. Hannah, you will be missed.

It’s time Bugsy waited all his life. Captain Sandy awards him the title of Stew Chef and Bugsy lights up like a Christmas tree. What a promotion and what shitty circumstances! Now Malia really has what she wants. Her boyfriend is the chef and her best friend is the chef stew. It’s pathetic how Malia got her hands dirty to get it all together.

I love the way Tom thinks Hannah just got out on charter day. Don’t pretend you didn’t push Malia to text Captain Sandy. Malia must step back. It’s finish. Hannah is gone, Malia. Enough talking to Captain Sandy about this and who the hell made you Marine Police?

The next charter is fast approaching and Captain Sandy gathers the crew to brief them on Hannah’s shot. She does a BEAUTIFUL job of making Hannah look like a junkie and slips that Bugsy is the new chief stew. Shudder. I can’t wait to see this yacht catch on fire. A new chef, a new chef’s stew and a broken down flight attendant – what could possibly go wrong ?!

Bugsy jumps straight into his new role and greets the new guests for the start of the charter. The guests seem to have packed their whole lives. They make cheesy jokes and are an interesting bunch… that’s fair to say. They will definitely give the crew a run for their money. Side note: I hope none of the guests refer to Bugsy as “chef” as he suggested. Lots of current, Bugsy? Gag.

Wait, I’ve never seen Malia so involved in the kitchen in all my life. She is determined to help her boo succeed. She prepares and washes the dishes and it’s hilarious how much she favors her boyfriend, Tom. Maybe someone should point out Malia for neglecting the deck as she spends all of her time in the kitchen. Interesting how everyone gave Kiko shit for not needing money, but apparently Malia took on the role of Tom’s sous chef…

Thin. Meal number one and guests love Chef Tom. I was kinda hoping it was going to crash and burn because nothing angers me more than seeing Captain Sandy applauding anyone who’s attached to Malia.

Are these the loudest guests ever? Why do they ask everyone if they are single? Do they think they could stand a chance with someone, anyone on the boat? They are clearly a horny bunch. They pull out a huge dildo and then order Bugsy to bring this bad boy back to their room. Hilar.

Bugsy brings Tom news that guests are asking for a birthday cake and there is hardly any time to prepare this new addition to the menu. Watching Tom b * tch about the last minute birthday cake is so boring. He better be careful running around to tell Malia he’s angry – she can sort out her issues with the captain, because you know, she tends to do that. Buuuurn. Maybe he should stop wasting his time complaining and start baking this cake? Stop whining, Tom. The last chef prepared 72 plates and did it wonderfully. Tom can’t even open the oysters. Bring back Kiko. Sigh.

Someone please explain to these guests. Nude photos. Giant dildos. BAD jokes. WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Malia is all in this mess and does everything she can to help Tom prepare a delicious meal. Captain Sandy is going to act like Malia has become a team player because she flipped the steaks on the grill and poured plates. The reality is, if it was Kiko in the kitchen, Captain Sandy would have snatched a new one from her. How dare Kiko ask for extra hands! But Tom… THE Tom of MALIA? Yes, he can do whatever he wants.

Except it turns out that apparently Tom doesn’t have * that * formal training, does he? Guests have shells galore in their oysters. Malia wants to totally kill Tom, mostly because she sang his praises and basically got him the job.

Question: Does Tom do something on his own? Answer: NO. And what Tom DOES, he does not do well. He actually breaks down and claims he has “way too much self-respect” to go on. You know what they say, Tom. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Will Captain Sandy also have to summon a new leader? Dude… karma sucks, eh?


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